I accidentally burped into my bong.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
