I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
