Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
