Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
