he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
