I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
