You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
