It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
