words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We have started to decorate penises.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
