In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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