do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize