based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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