why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
