I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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