So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
