Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
