Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
