So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i now understand why vodka
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
