She is in my trunk
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
