I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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