Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i wish my penis had a tongue
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
