There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
