do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
