At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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