She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
