She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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