I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
