Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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