you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
