First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
