He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
