who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
