I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
