Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
