i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
