we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
