he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Randomize
