we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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