the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
