my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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