did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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