we were pretty classy up until the second keg
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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