DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
