CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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