is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Panties = found
Randomize
