If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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