Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
