Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
