Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
