well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
