Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize