I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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