Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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