I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
