dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
