We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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