I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize