went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
