I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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