If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
