I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
