I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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