Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
the liver wants what the liver wants
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
