my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
