i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Actions speak louder than pants.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
