i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
