Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
