i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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