awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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