Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
