He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
