so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
