Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
