i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
