Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
