I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
