i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
