Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
