i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
