Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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