I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
