She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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