did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's blow job season.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
