I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
