my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
