Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
