You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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