This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
