i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
