Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
