i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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