so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
