She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
