it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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