I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
