my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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