is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
