i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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