You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize