Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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