This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
