so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
