Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
