ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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