Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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