You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
