Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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