well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
