so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
either way he was missing a nipple.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
