At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
