I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
