friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
