I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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